The day after my crying post, I saw one of my old friends smoking. Which got me thinking about my dad (who I will explain later), and I broke down. Majorly. As in I got home, went to bed around 3:30 in the afternoon, and refused to come out of my room for another four hours. In that moment, I died inside. A lot of things have caught up with me lately.
My brother, who has unilateral kidney disease, who I love so much, is leaving soon. And I'll miss him like heck, but I know he has to go. My other brother, who is extremely healthy, leaves for his mission this December.
I'm having disease issues. Between the renal hypoplasia, chronic hives, and diabetes, it's just too much. I know that none of them are life-threatening, but when I explained each one to DF, his face dropped. He tried to ease it with his scoliosis issues, but now we both feel worse.
My dad, who used to smoke like a chimney, may still be addicted to porn, started talking to his now-girlfriend when my parents were still married, is having health problems. He pinched a nerve and can barely walk. Me, the still 13-year-old, is doing his grocery shopping, getting his mail, taking out his trash, etc. And he is still losing his mind. I just can't support him anymore, can't keep teaching him the things his brain is letting him forget.
My grandma seems to always be on the verge of dying. My grandpa (from another side) was just diagnosed with some pretty advanced prostate cancer.
Everyone is either getting worse or leaving me, while I'm just here, unable to do anything. That's why I spent hours crying the day after I thought I was able to hold it all in, that I was strong enough.
It turns out I'm not.
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